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Aug 4, 2023 · 50 min
Before I introduce this episode, I’d like to ask a favor if I may. This is my first podcast ever and I really enjoyed doing it. Are you, my wonderful readers, interested in more? If so, do you have suggestions or ideas for guests and/or topics? I’d love your feedback as well. I personally love long conversations on the podcasts I listen to. But maybe you feel differently. There’s a lot for me to learn yet and I’d love for you to teach me. Send me an email if you like @bradengbell@gmail.com or leave a comment. As always, this is a reader-supported publication, so if you can like, share, and spread the word, I’d be ever so grateful! —BB It isn’t easy to parent, mentor, or teach boys today. In fact, it is not easy to be a boy today. Conflicting voices, changing societal conditions, shifting values and expectations all make the ground on which boys must walk much more complex. Let me pause there and address the inevitable rejoinder: What about girls? They are struggling too! Yes. But I’d like to suggest that a good hospital can—and should—treat both heart attacks and car-crash victims at the same time. We need to move beyond seeing the welfare of our children as a zero-sum, either/or situation. A number of bleak statistics make a compelling case that boys are in trouble. While acknowledging that girls still face difficulties, advocates for boys make the point that we are, at least, aware of and working on some of the gender-based difficulties girls face, while essentially ignoring or even belittling the gender-based challenges boys face. This is bad for individual boys, but also bad for our society. This becomes all the more difficult when there is a high-profile tragedy where a boy or man has done something awful. If a young boy puts up his fingers and makes a gun motion as young child, does that mean he’s on the road to becoming a school shooter? If he is curious about and aware of another person’s body, does that mean he will sexually harass people? If he thinks girls have cooties, does that lead to misogyny? Or, are these natural phases of development? Sincere, well-intentioned parents, teachers, and policymakers often take this very seriously. But in doing this, are we being unduly harsh and missing the forest for the trees? Unfortunately, discussions about the needs and problems of boys has taken on a political valence and is tainted by the culture war. Sadly, some people’s responses to hearing about the problems of boys are shaped by larger narratives, political leanings, and cultural positions which can result in minimizing, belittling, and ignoring real problems. Equally sad, some people’s advocacy for boys seems far more about scoring political points and using this as a weapon in the culture war. What is a parent, teacher, grandparent, mentor, concerned citizen to do? My guest today has some important thoughts on how to help boys thrive and reach their fullest potential in a world that can feel very hostile to them. Jennifer L. W. Fink is the author of a new book called, “Building Boys Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males.” Jennifer also has a wonderful, must-read Substack called the Building Boys Bulletin. I mentioned that discussion about the struggles and needs of boys often has a political valence, but Jennifer's work cuts through this and she can speak to everyone. She is not wearing a political jersey, nor is she a demagogue who uses concerns about boys as a cudgel to make political points. She's a mom of four boys who started to be concerned by what she saw and is deeply sympathetic to boys, their parents, and the problems they face. At the same time, she comes from the more progressive side of the political aisle. In her writing, you will discern genuine concern about boys and their well-being but you will also hear her concerns about gender equity, fighting misogyny, breaking through this kind of traditional notion that men need to be stoic and not have feelings, preventing sexual violence and so on. But most of all, as much as anyone I know, Jennifer follows the data. She has a background as a nurse, so she sees symptoms and problems and then searches for evidence-based responses. She reads widely and is engaged in this subject. She is constantly scouring the Internet and reading new research. For those reasons, I think she's a very important voice, and I'm so happy to have her on my first-ever podcast. Happy parenting! Braden This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bradenbellphd.substack.com
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